The great american west calls: "What do you want?!" I answer.

Much like an electron, the whereabouts of my ponderings can be approximated, but never quite pinpointed. Tonight, they are in Southampton and with the seedy, twisted world of Hieroglyphed HandkerChief. Tommorrow night, they will be in Pheonix, and with the seedy, twisted world of geopolitics. Friday, in Tucson, with the seedy, twisted world of motion picture scoring. We know the electron is in that atom somewhere. We know my thoughts are seedy and twisted. You did not need me to point this out for you.

I will return to the nearest of easts Monday night, chemical chance willing.

Days of Sugar, Nights of Sound

...mornings of diabetes.

Conversation about the brain and genetics with my mother yesterday yielded a potentially important insight on myself: I don't respect anything or anyone. This is true I think. No, my mother didn't tell me I don't respect anyone, i said it myself. It was my response to her asking why i treated certain members of the extended family differently than others. She posited that I didn't respect some of them; i said, without thinking, that that wasn't possible, because i don't respect anyone. And as I said, this is true i think. Not that i'm disrespectin' any of y'all. I just don't grant people special status in my mind for their various abilities, skills (skillz), or perceived intelligence. I am supposing that my interaction with others is based more on personality dynamics and on how familiar or comfortable i am with a person.

This may be reflected in the general absence of role models and "hero's" in my life (refer to the Personal Feedback Loop post for a tiny bit more information) as of late. It may also partially explain my aversions to things like flags and gods.

I'm not just not one for worship of any sort.* I suspect this will prove to be troublesome in the years ahead.



*some of you might suggest that i worship Mirah. My response is of 3 parts: 1. my allegiance is to the music, not to the person, 2. her personality, political stance, and appearance were not (and still aren't) at all clear to me when I became interested in her music, and 3. Shut up.

Either I'm losing my mind...

...Or we're as dumb as the rest of the world thinks we are.

The gap between what we say and what we do is so painfully clear right now, just thinking about it makes my grind my teeth. Wake up and smell the class structure.



A march on DC against the war? Can I put up with ANSWER and Co. again? Probably. We'll see. Hey, this is fun. I could post a story like this every day. One for every day of an occupation that's well into it's 3rd year. What can we possibly do to make up for that? The only ethical thing we could have done would have been to throw ourselves into the gears of the machine to stop the war before it started. Now?

Infrastructure loss

I don't like dwelling on silver linings when the storm clouds are so vastly huge, but increasing uncertainty and instability do sometimes provide a hope for postive change, where stability and certainty are apt tp entertain fatalism. This is not to say i want things to get worse so that they might get better. I'm just saying, things are getting worse. Home and abroad.

Talk to me in person for thoughts on everything. I might codify them into words here at some point, but at this point i prefer conversation.